Not only must the message be correctly delivered, the messenger himself must be such as to recommend it to acceptance.

Joseph Barber Lightfoot

Arriving fifteen weeks early, my niece was born weighing 2.2 pounds. How frightening for her parents, her grandparents and our family! Nothing prepared them or us for this event. I struggled with what to say to them.  I have experience as the parent of a child with special needs. Once the initial scare and the danger was past I wanted to be encouraging, and while I put a lot of energy into praying for them, at what I thought was a good moment, I gently suggested some books, information, and strategies for coping. It is frustrating for me that they are not receptive to what I know and resources I offer—not at all.

I was the same. When our child was just a few weeks old I took him for a massage. These were the days when massaging babies was just beginning to be trendy. When the massage therapist finished, she said, “He is very stiff. You must stroke his head a lot,” demonstrating a caressing action across his skull.” I was shocked! I seethed. The gall! I felt that anyone who would diminish my child’s perfection by calling him “stiff” was not someone I wanted to listen to. Years later I watched a world-renowned doctor demonstrate exactly what that massage therapist had so gently tried to teach me. How I wish I had been open to what the masseuse was telling me that day instead of shutting down—the time I could have saved! (The only thing when you get back is a stiff neck!)

The message is difficult and the role of the messenger is very delicate. I want to help my family and others. I know things that they have yet to know. And they will know things that I can learn. How do we share what we learn? What form does it take? Where and how do we tell others? When we discover solutions that work for our child, we must not be surprised if we feel compelled to share.

My mantra going forward is to grow into a messenger who can enlighten without giving offense. It is a responsibility I take very seriously.

In my next blogs I write about some strategies to accomplish this.